Iquitos 06/12/13 Friday Purging Out Everything Negative

Morning

I was involved in an Ayahuasca ceremony last night, I didn't vomit and fell asleep within 2 hours. The experience was a lot more pleasant than my 1st ceremony and there were a lot more visuals in last night's ceremony, however I wasn't that impressed by the visuals as it only felt like mind-candy entertainment, these visuals exactly replicated my thoughts, so I could control my visuals to an extent. There was an ongoing theme and a pattern to my experience and it went like this: I would think of something then it will appear in front of me like in a movie where I'm the projector and the screen and the motion picture was my visuals, as I'm getting distracted and lost in the images I soon realise that they're just my thoughts and that these thoughts don't have any real existence and that they didn't make who I really was as they came and went, I told myself not to feed them, rather to just take them for what they were 'a thought', a harmless thought and not just mine but other's too. I kept on thinking, then tried not thinking, over and over again with the realisation that I don't have full control of my thoughts and that I don't possess an on & off button or even fully dictate my thoughts, similar to when I meditate; I get lost in my thoughts then I'm not with my thoughts, with my thoughts, without my thoughts. At the beginning of the ceremony I promised myself that I wasn't going to sleep before I purge but about 1 hour into the ceremony I started to yawn many times over and over again, and these weren't regular ‘before bed’ yawning but huge long ones where I made loud yawning sounds and when another 1 hour went by I was slept.

I just came back from drinking tobacco juice and I have never purged more in my life (this purging beats my 1st Ayahuasca ceremony's purging), I drank a cup of tobacco juice followed by a litre of warm water were I purged it all out pretty quickly but my stomach didn't feel right so I went for a 2nd litre as this is what the Shaman's wife insisted on me doing and yet again I purged, followed by another feeling of discomfort in my stomach, the Shaman's wife told me to drink my 3rd litre (I would have never drank it if she wasn't there), here I told here that I didn't need anymore water as I was exhausted and in pain so it was me and her arguing for 10 minutes but then she finally convinced me and I drank the 3rd litre in one go then purged immediately whilst making very load heaving noises. When I purged I knew that this was the last time that I needed to vomit and there wasn't going to be a 4th litre, out came the tobacco juice, water and all the crap that was stored in body for years, it felt like all the negative energies were poured of my whole being, I felt refreshed, happy, relieved and energised. The great feeling I had after purging the tobacco outweighed last night’s Ayahuasca experience. I hugged and thanked the Shaman's wife. Later on I had a fruit bath were a lady rubbed mashed fruit all over my body then a short while later I had a lot to eat for lunch as there wasn't going to be any dinner due to tonight's ceremony. I was in a group discussion today and had a lot of my questions answered by Lucho regarding last night's ceremony, I told him about how I was projecting my thoughts into a movie and how I I tried to not think and just be with my real self. He told me to focus and meditate. Simple but honest advise. I also asked him what the difference was between Ayahuasca and San Pedro in which he replied that San Pedro is a loving father figure were you have more of a pleasant experience than Ayahuasca, however overall Ayahuasca is better as it is a great healer. I'm now off to my plant bath which is going to be followed by my 3rd Ayahuasca ceremony.

Iquitos 05/12/13 Thursday The Shaman's Farm

Afternoon

Soon after breakfast, the Shappibo tribe came around to the retreat to visit us, they had jewellery and gourmets to sell but they were on top of it when it came to haggling. I purchased a pair of trousers and a shirt with Ayahuasca, Icaro, serpent patterns which were all hand stitched, I also bought a necklace and a bracelet. When the tribe left, we all had a mud bath, the thin mud was rubbed all over our bodies by a lady and Don Lucho, we all waited until the mud dried up then we swam in the naturally warm waters. After lunch we went on a sweaty 45 minutes walk to Don Lucho’s farm, the farm was 20 hectares big and was full of banana and cocoa trees, we all ate from them and was delicious.

Don Lucho told us that the Ayahuasca told him how to build an effective farm, as well as what plants to use for certain medicines, for example, a cocoa tree would normally take 5 years to grow, however Don Lucho managed to grow his in 1-2 years. I am going to be involved in an Ayahuasca ceremony tonight which is going to make it my 2nd time drinking the medicine. It was a big challenge for me 2 days ago, however I feel quite confident about tonight’s ceremony. If something negative comes up then I shall ignore it as I’ve been told that giving negativity attention gives it energy and allows it to grow, if however the negativity persists then I’m going to ask Ayahuasca whether or not it’s something I need to face and deal with.

Iquitos 04/12/13 Wednesday First Time Drinking Ayahuasca

Morning

Last night I took part in my first Ayahuasca ceremony and earlier this morning I drank and threw up tobacco juice at the Maloka (large circular wooden building used for Ayahuasca ceremonies), we were given a mattress, pillow and cover each and assembled ourselves in a circle where all of us were very close to the walls, most people slept the night in the Maloka. The ceremony last night began at 7pm but I was at the Maloka at 6.30pm were most of the people were already there, there were about 12 people who flew from all over the world to this retreat. The first person to Don Lucho’s (the Shaman) right was the first to drink the Ayahuasca then went in order in an anti-clockwise motion, I was directly opposite Lucho on the other side of the Maloka facing him so I was about the 6th person to drink Ayahuasca and after everyone drank the Ayahuasca, Lucho (in the same order) blew tobacco smoke on each person to get rid of any negative spirits that where surrounding them. Around 30 mins into the ceremony I started to feel some mild effects (this is when Lucho started to sing his Icaros and when the only candle in the Maloka was blown out) and felt a little disorientated in the darkness, within 1 hour the full effects kicked in. At this point my eyes were closed for 30 mins and I started to see very complex patterns moving, I couldn't focus on the patterns  but nonetheless they were there, this was my 1st Ayahuasca experience but the effects were huge as I was informed that people don’t usually get big effects on their 1st drink. About 1 hour into the ceremony I needed to go to the toilet and was thinking about getting Jeremiah’s (1 of the 2 English-Spanish translators) attention so that he could walk outside with me to the toilet but I knew that this was going to be a challenge as I was struggling to move properly as well as structuring an approach on how to get his attention, the whole room was almost pitch black. I grabbed my phone and shone it onto someone and asked “are you Jeremiah?” in which he responded with a hand gesture by pointing to a man to the left of him so I got Jeremiah’s attention, we started to walk out of the Maloka but as soon as I stepped my foot out of the entrance I vomited in large quantities everywhere (nearly on Jeremiah) and I did so about 10 times, I have never vomited as much in my whole life! I felt extremely good after the vomiting as it felt like all my negative energies were poured out of me and I felt a great sense of relief, after the vomiting I still had great difficulties in walking but Jeremiah helped me out and eventually I got to the toilet, however it took us about 5 mins to get there when it should of only taken 30 seconds. Throughout the ceremony I was having an ego battle and at times I felt very lonely and thought to myself “why am I only experiencing this identity?” When I got back to the Maloka I struggled to find my bed, however eventually did, from here I have no idea on what event took place at what time, it was all over the place, the effects were way stronger when I had my eyes closed but when I had them opened my ego started to resist everything and tried to make sense of everything by creating concepts and ideas on where and who I was and reassured itself that it was in a Maloka in an Ayahuasca ceremony and that I’m going to wake up and things are going to be the way they were, so throughout the night I went through a habitual pattern of closing and opening my eyes (lasting about 30 mins each) which helped, as when the effects got too intense I would open my eyes and feel slightly more at home again. At times I went through very dark and negative stuff  but looking back on it, it feels like I was letting this darkness into me and that I could of stopped it at any point instead of letting it be. Lucho was singing his Icaros for hours and hours. (maybe 6hrs!) What a hard worker. This helped me a lot as it made me feel less lonely, also when I was going through negative things Lucho would make these loud spitting noises towards me to get rid of the darkness. I was taken to a place where the ego wasn't present and I was everything and everyone, the experience was too divine (the-vine), bewildering and messy to put into words, I saw something that represented the ultimate (your most natural state), and this represented me and everyone else. I could shift my attention on everything that was happening to me; the sounds, visuals, confusion, ego. I got up at 7am in the morning feeling exhausted and slightly dazed when I saw Lucho giving everyone a cup of tobacco juice and I felt that my stomach couldn't handle this now but I knew that it was needed so I drank it, followed by a litre of warm water, soon after I threw up and in comparison to the majority of people that were there, my purging was done and over with pretty quick. Everyone in the retreat is very nice and to my surprise, the first lady I spoke to in the retreat worked 5 mins away from me in London! A 1 in  1000 chance. Just before and after drinking Ayahuasca, I smoked some jungle tobacco called Mapacho which made me feel a little light headed but I was told it that it’s useful for getting rid of negative spirits and good for grounding myself to Earth.

Afternoon

I just finished a Reiki session in my Tambo with a lady named Lucia, she used a Quartz crystal to get rid of my negative energies also coconut oil which smelt absolutely amazing. I was topless on my back and stomach for 30 mins. I now feel a lot more relaxed, energetic and warm in comparison to how I felt in the morning, where I was drained and tired. I gave her $20 voluntarily. At one point when she was working on me I felt an energy in my forehead, right around my Pineal gland. She hovered her hand across my entire body throughout the 30 mins.

Evening

I just came back from dinner and the portion size was quite small so I went for seconds, I had red cabbage, scrambled omelette and boiled egg, everything was fresh and grown locally. Before this I was in the Maloka with the Bora tribe, we danced with them for a while and some of them were selling jewelry and souvenirs so I got my Mum an Ayahuasca necklace, my sister a bracelet, I got myself a large Ayahuasca necklace as well as a bow & arrow set, all of the jewelry that I purchased contains healing properties.

Lima 03/12/13 Tuesday Touchdown

Morning

I arrived in Lima last night, it was a 14hrs flight and I get quite nervous when I’m on planes. I watched Gangster Squad, Monster’s University, Hangover 3 and Fast & Furious 6 which kept me entertained throughout the journey, when I wasn't watching movies I was either eating or sleeping so I was never bored. In 2 hours time I’m going to get on a small plane to Iquitos where I will be drinking the Ayahuasca, at the moment I’m in a hostel in Lima were I stayed the night before, there is a nice receptionist and the room isn't bad at all for 57 Peruivian Soles which is equivalent to £12.5, it had a double bed, shower, electrics and downstairs there were computers and a bar. The receptionist last night helped me out with finding a restaurant and booking a cab, the food was simple but great. I had stir fried vegetables with rice at a Chinese/Peruvian restaurant for 9 Soles, £2! plus the portion size was huge (enough for 2 people). In 20 mins I’ll be eating a free buffet breakfast catered by the hostel. I’m going to drink Ayahuasca in Iquitos tonight! Can’t wait!

Drinking Ayahuasca in Peru

Evening

In 7 hours time I'm going to be on a plane to Peru. I have been wanting to go to Peru for 8 months and it is finally happening! I will be staying in Iquitos for 7 days with a group of people from all over the world as well as a shaman and a few translators. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I'm going to be staying at an Ayahuasca retreat called Kapitari.